Nicki's Story
Nicki's Story
Following a very intense few years for myself and my family I found myself in a place of emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion. I was in the privileged position to be able to take a year off work but as I have always been extremely busy, I knew that this would be a challenge.
I had previously taken a rest day at Kerry’s which I had found helpful at the time but if I am honest had done little in the long run to restore my diminished reserves. Within a few days of being at her house I was again feeling overwhelmed and with little enthusiasm for life. I had always appreciated Kerry’s insights and wisdom regarding the whole topic of rest and knew that if there was anyone who could help me it would be her. I was delighted when she agreed to coach me through the year and we planned regular times when I would visit her house to rest, talk through what I was learning or arrange WhatsApp calls in order to be accountable. I knew that one challenge for me would be to say “no” to people and wanting to please others. Being accountable and having someone to talk through the reasons for why I felt an expectation to perform or do things was really helpful.
Over the year I stayed at Kerry’s a number of times and from the moment I arrived I felt a sense of relief and peace. It was a place where I could truly unwind and let go and as the year went on I realised that I could unwind more quickly. I loved the fact that Kerry gave me space to rest in whatever way I needed at that time, and it often differed. Sometimes I needed to sleep, other times I needed to read or journal or go for a walk. One time I caught up on television and she even brought my meal to eat in front it! Absolute bliss!
The year did throw some challenges my way, including losing my mum to cancer. This took my levels of exhaustion to a whole new level! However, looking back I was incredibly grateful that it came at a time when I had space to rest, and grieve. From what I had previously learnt through my times with Kerry I was able to be kind to myself, allow myself to recover and rest without guilt. I planned in extra retreats away, some alone and some with friends, who I could be myself with.
The biggest thing I have learnt over the year is to listen to my needs at any given time, and ensure that those needs are met without feeling guilty. Whether that is a duvet day in front of Netflix or a spiritual retreat with friends, or catching up with a friend over coffee or simply taking the dog for a long walk by myself. I am more in tune now with why I am exhausted or in need of energising and what is most needed to replenish my soul. It has also been interesting to note that I can see how one area of my life affects another, for example emotional exhaustion can lead to spiritual dryness.
As the year came to an end (in fact exactly a year from stopping work) I finally began to have the desire to do things again. The important thing was that my motivation was different. I wanted to, it wasn’t because I thought I ought to or because someone else had said I should. I began to volunteer at my sons’ primary school and in the process started to work on job applications. I was delighted to be offered a job but ironically it was full time and required being busier than I have been for many years. However, I have been amazed with how I actually have deeper inner reserves to juggle such a busy life and I believe that is because of the principals that I learnt in my rest year. I am continuing to learn and in particular how to “work at resting”. By that I mean I have to work hard to ensure I am disciplined to take time to rest and in the ways I need it. I have to plan ahead to book times away or evenings of pampering or solitude. It also requires working harder at other times to ensure I have a clearly defined time of rest when I can give myself permission, guilt free, to do what I need, and want to! I am still learning this and I don’t always get it right but I am quicker to recognise when I have got it wrong and put things in place to rectify the situation. Another helpful conversation with Kerry made me realise that there are certain times and seasons when I need to put different rest patterns in place. Reflecting on this over a year will help to be more prepared for next year to ensure I can weather those more challenging times.
In summary, the tools and skills I have learnt from my times with Kerry, both through our chats and from experiencing physical rest days at her home, have been invaluable. It has helped me to understand rest and myself more; why I find it hard at times whilst also gaining strategies for moving towards a more balanced lifestyle. I think a key expression has been “give yourself permission to rest”. So often in the past I felt guilty if I did something for myself. Actually, now I see that by being better rested I am able to give more of myself to others, so it just benefits everyone all round!
Thank you Kerry….you are amazing!!